It’s bigger on the inside

Lately, most of my practice has been stillness.

My brother passed away 11 days ago, and I’ve felt a deep need to… just sit.
Or stand. And breathe. To just be with it all.

He lived in the UK, so that’s why I’m here… and not posting my usual stuff. Writing feels much more suited to the season change from northern hemisphere autumn to winter anyway, and I’m looking forward to getting to know those of you who still embrace the slow pace through these e-mails.

I’ve been writing immediately after practice (which I think is an incredible habit to get into — and would highly recommend).

I call it a sitting practice, rather than meditation, because there are no guarantees.

…And because it seems everyone has a slightly different understanding of what meditation is, and how it is done — or rather, how can’t be done.

Here’s how I see it.

If meditation is a stilling, or clarification of the fluctuations of mind, then it is an effect. Effects are important. They’re why we practice…

But the actual Practice is about creating the causes or conditions which make the effects inevitable.

When you want a new car, do you just wish for it? (hey, I’m guilty, sometimes)
Or do you focus on the actions which help you acquire it? (bingo)

The same goes for meditation. Don’t worry about stilling the mind. Focus on what is controllable.

Sit sincerely. Sense, sincerely.
Saturate awareness in the body. Your mind will do things.
Just release fixation and re-saturate the body.

So anyway, below are my musings from sitting, yesterday.
The short phrases felt truer to the cadence of my thoughts.

I often find this… When my mind settles,

I speak more slowly,

deliberately

concisely

lovingly, even

When thicker layers of mind form
Are present, using mind focus to
Skilfully navigate and interact
Can be helpful, rather than willing 
The forms to change or disappear, 
Set the gaze upon them for a moment
And ask “What is next? What else?”
Before re-saturating the mind in
Whatever sensation of the body
May be present. The mind is
A friend when used deliberately
And when set upon a task, so
It need not be pushed away,
As bodily sensation becomes the
Primary focus, it is helpful to
Begin with a welcoming, curious,
Rather can corrective gaze.
As if greeting a dear friend, take it
All in. Acquaint oneself with
The newness of the now-body
Rather than treating the now-body
As the memory body, or a
Projection of one’s fear-desires.
See where awareness is guided
And see the felt body-map
Take shape. What is the direct
Experience of your body’s space, 
When felt internally rather 
Than imagined? This is when,
If you notice yourself in a
Somewhat grotesque or strange
Position, you can begin to soften
And inflate the stuck / held / seized
Parts, with breath, release, knowing.
The spine often find itself contracted
With posterior ligaments and cord
Feeling kinked, shortened. Saturation in
The line from seat to rear crown can
Highlight this. The simplest nod of 
The head, or elongation along one’s
Axis, can invigorate this line and
Allow it to become a more com
-municative reference point for
The practice. A ferny forward flexion
(Especially after a period of stillness
And softening) can become an
Absolute journey into full-body re
-calibration; tingles, temperature
Change (perceived internally) or
The feeling that the whole body
Is alight with consciousness. Notice
If there are any midline or hip
Muscle responses which unconsciously
Tie in with the intent to elongate.
Where are you contracting, holding
Or pulling, rather than expanding?
To what degree is this actually needed?
Breathe into the ball of life-fullness
That rests in the pelvic bowl — let
This lower dantian expand uniformly in
Every direction to fill the body with
chi (life energy) from the low, outwards
To the high. If pressure is felt in the
Head, allow release, returning sense
To body, feeling the fall of gravity
And relaxing mind into tissues.
As this process unfolds, if you
Feel an increase in energy
(Felt as sensation permeating the
Body, filling from inside) the
Mind-forms may also get louder.
This can drag your awareness
From the further accumulation, 
So the skilfulness of your mind is
Vital. Chi can only be held to
The extend that the mid is
Skilful enough to remain saturated
Internally, in the body, so
Observe and acknowledge these
Changes before returning to
The task. Rather than pushing
Or grasping mind activity,
Release into the lowly — the body.
Notice any sense of gravity sinking
The sinews of the shoulders and
Arms. Notice the layers of tissue
Tenderise and separate as the
Space within grows. The hands
May fill with blood or sensation
As may the hips, if released.
As this occurs, the highways 
Are opening and the internal
Communications / neurology are
developing. It may feel intuitive
To take vital breathes here —
To draw in more fullness to
The depths of one’s middle
And feel the body grow, 
Becoming full of life and consciousness
As one’s form becomes more beautiful.

With practice, the body becomes like Doctor Who’s Tardis.
Somehow bigger on the inside than out.